So we need a remake of Apocalypse Now, and you know who plays Willard right? That's right... #winning

Published 2011-03-05

The exploits and meme that is Charlie Sheen doesn't concern me. But I do love Apocalypse Now, and I think it could be re-made right now with a certain someone #winning the role.

So I think I have this whole Charlie Sheen thing figured out... See, he's gone all Col. Kurtz now, and Captain Willard -- who happens to be his dad -- is gonna go all "They told me that you had gone totally insane, and that your methods were unsound" on him.

And then the "Photojournalist" -- originally played by Dennis Hopper, now played by Bradley Cooper or Paul Rudd -- goes all:

Hey, man, you don't talk to the Colonel. You listen to him. The man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet warrior in the classic sense. I mean sometimes he'll... uh... well, you'll say "hello" to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you. He won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say, "Do you know that 'if' is the middle word in life? If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you"... I mean I'm... no, I can't... I'm a little man, I'm a little man, he's... he's a great man! I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas...

And there's gonna be surfing and napalm and an ox. Either that or Jed Bartlett is gonna go OMG WTF and send Josh Lyman in there to clean it up.

This is going to be epic!

And then Charlie Sheen has his comeback and everyone can say things about him... But what are they gonna say about him?

What are they gonna say? That he was a kind man? That he was a wise man? That he had plans, man? That he had wisdom? Bullshit, man!

Beginning about the 1:30 mark of this clip, Martin Sheen gets real and into some "Past as Prologue" kinda stuff. And if that is not enough, the clip ends with a Mars Blackmon commercial.