Sometimes It's Fun to Look Back and Realize You Stayed Retired

CHICAGO | A 31-year-old city resident on Tuesday told a packed gallery of colleagues in the corporate lunch room that he retired from the Madden video game.

Chris Keller’s press conference took place prior to work on Tuesday, and with the next generation of console machines firmly entrenched in households across the country, Keller stated he was content with his Playstation 2, and had invested at least $200 in amassing not only Madden 2007, but the accompanying NCAA 2007, as well as NCAA March Madness 2007.

“I’ve decided this is as new as I can get,” Keller said, making sure to point out how he had purchased every Madden game since 1997. “And before that I had always purchased NCAA football for like three years.”

“I still made it longer than a lot of my friends… . I’m a die-hard.”

Keller’s longtime girlfriend wore a smile.

“I knew it was coming, it was only a matter of time before he realized how much money he was throwing away on a useless activity.”

Keller’s colleagues weren’t stunned by the announcement.

“He’s only been parading around here telling about his intentions for the last three weeks,” Walt Lilly said.

No word on what Keller plans to spend his new found savings and free time, but a co-worker has started a betting pool.

“Today he mentioned his new guitar,” Larry Smyth said. “Dollars to donuts he’s saying how much time he now has to play the three chords he knows this time next week.”

Comments